So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just pee around me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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