So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A bitchslap is in order.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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