my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
