We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
