sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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