so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
