I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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