Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
