Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
