I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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