i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
