Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
