that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
