Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
