K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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