i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am puke
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so let's talk penis.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
