im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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