Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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