hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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