it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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