3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
