is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
