i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
