There was a lot of him and a little penis
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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