I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
