If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
