he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
