I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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