whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
