It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
