Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
