The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
