Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
