i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
