I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
