GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
