Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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