So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
