trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
