oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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