my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
