I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
