is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
