someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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