Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
