wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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