About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
