I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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