i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
