just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
