On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
