So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina is very pro this idea
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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