Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
